thebigtwist's Xanga

Monday, November 02, 2009

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:57:37 GMT

Halloween was nothing special this year, Michael thought he had swine flu so I went to Manayunk and stayed there for the weekend to take care of him. He gave me cash and I went to Target to buy him orange juice, tissues, organic soups, ginger ale and some other things in true housewife style. I surprised him with a big bag of candy corn because we had to stay in on Halloween, cute underwear for me so it wasn't so terrible to lay in bed, and made the mistake of buying a thermometer, which he used probably twice an hour, every hour, all weekend.

He apologized for everything he's ever done to hurt me, and for not being head over heels in love with me anymore. He said we've progressed from that, and he's in love with me in a more stable, married way.

I'm not in a very good mood right now, I'm worn out. Be easy though, fuck it and fuck this and fuck him and fuck that.

My birthday is a day from yesterday, I want to go to Cancun or something. Or maybe just get a new wardrobe, and my car painted, and liposuction. Greeeeed.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:05:44 GMT

facts

-i always keep gatorade in the basement fridge. always. light blue and purple. i need the electrolytes for my chest
-i'm fairly confident that my best friend and i have the same telepathic talents that twins sometimes have
-being a lil pot smoking housewife is my career goal. cooking, cleaning, keeping a beautiful home, taking care of someone that loves me, living a happy, simple life
-blonde, i miss you
-bach's flower essences. every morning.
-last night i had a nightmare that i got raped and when i woke up (in a panic) i realized that my underwear was gone, i have no recollection of taking it off
-i like that i'm left handed
-i hate my left hand though because i got a wart on my middle finger that won't go away even with medicine
-the other night i tried lobster for the first time at the melting pot with my mom, i think i overcooked it in the oil because it was really chewy and not delish
-my favorite tv shows are desperate housewives, king of the hill, entourage, and true blood.
-fuck i'm getting so fat it's shameful

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:54:45 GMT

rip blonde

it's been real

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:15:08 GMT

A man walks
into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their
orders.

The
man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to
the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll
have the same,' says the ostrich..

A
short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That
will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket
and pulls out the exact change for
payment.

The next day, the man and the
ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries
and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the
same.'

Again the man reaches into his
pocket and pays with exact change.

This
becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?'
asks the
waitress.

'No, this is Friday night,
so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says
the man.
'Same,' says the
ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the
order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once
again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress
cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,'
says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared
and offered me two wishes. My first wish was
that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always
be there....'

'That's brilliant!'
says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!'

'That's
right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,' says the
man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the
ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a
tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with
everything I say.'

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:44:53 GMT

"I'm like sunlight, all-powerful, instantaneous and invisible, flowing effortlessly into the darkest corners of the universe."

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:14:35 GMT

The other week Emily and I went to Rice's and the guy we bought curtains from for her room told me he liked my french after I dropped the f bomb a few times (hi, I curse like a sailor) and said that I had to be a fire sign. I told him I'm a Sagittarius and he said, "ah so I'm right!" and I just googled it and yeah, he was right.

I like my sign, I guess I like being fire-y.

"Irrespective, Sagittarius is the luckiest sign in the zodiac, and the Sagittarius girl will not only manage to survive but will more than likely prosper."

Yeah bitch yeah.

Happy 9/9/09

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:41:31 GMT

Today I went to my grandparent's house, I had lunch with them and then played checkers with my Grandpa. He kicked my ass. On Friday I'm going back over to make cupcakes with my Grandma for a Labor Day picnic.

Septiembre!

random truth

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:57:11 GMT

I sleep with tons of things in my bed. Full and empty bottles of water and gatorade, books, usually one of Michael's shirts, my baby blankets, my leg pillow, my computer, remotes, etc. I should probably get out of bed more often.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:56:36 GMT

(+)

actually having money in my bank account!!!!!!
full tank of gas
blonde blonde blonde
new cute white dress
a job that i love
free chiropractic adjustments wheneva
getting in touch with old friends
having things to do
being more soft spoken
working on being more tolerant of my mom
being easy is coming more naturally
BANKERS CLUB BRANDY/DRUNK SUNDAY- learning what a bad fucking idea that is
getting a nice golden tan
eating fresh food
talking to my grandma regularly

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:44:48 GMT

The guy who installed my new $300 car speakers today gave them to me for $100 and when my mom went in to pay it he told her that he thinks I'm really pretty :)

Haha being a girl has it's perks apparently